


memories like these (ben hargreeves),

by Raging_Nerd



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Character Death, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, Mild Gore, POV Ben Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 13:59:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19395583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raging_Nerd/pseuds/Raging_Nerd
Summary: Ben never considered himself very close to his siblings.But then he died --And that changed everything.or,Ben remembers.





	memories like these (ben hargreeves),

**Author's Note:**

> I love Ben so much,,, It pained me to write this,
> 
> Please enjoy my first story of many to come for this fandom!

When he was just a little boy, he ran around the Hargreeves house, chasing his brothers and sisters in innocent games of tag. 

Most of the time, they ended with all seven of them crowding around the kitchen, prodding and poking at Mom's legs, waiting for her to place the cookies she had made just for them on the table.

When he was just a little boy, he'd fall and scrape his knees, voice wailing and whining as he'd hold his legs to his chest. He remembers Number Seven fussing over him, tears cascading down her cheeks for a pain only he could feel.

When he was just a little boy he distinctly recalls the Horror inside of him, screaming murder as four eldritch like tentacles shot out of his abdomen, wrecking and ruining his room late in the night. 

Number Four and Pogo appeared in the doorway immediately, followed by the Reginald pushing through the small throng. By that time the creatures had subsided, hiding behind the flesh that was his stomach. 

His father didn't care for his well being, however, for the smile that spread across his face said otherwise.

It's memories like this that make Ben wish he was home, bittersweet recollections of his childhood in the Umbrella Academy causing him an unwanted homesickness. 

A halt in his already paused life; a movie that would no longer play again; a book with too many blank pages to really know the end; a blank slate with no markers to decorate --

Sometimes Ben wishes he was alive. 

Anything was better than the inky black hell he had become accustomed to.

And so he thinks -- delves into his memories once again -- for an ounce of comfort, an ounce of  _ something _ .

When he was just a young boy, Vanya stepped into his room. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes distraught, watching with unspoken jealousy as he finished putting on his domino mask. 

"I want to come with you Ben," she had told him, a soft smile on her face as she looked at her kindest sibling.

But her kindest sibling hadn't been very kind to her for the past few weeks, pushing his little sister away for the comfort of those older than him, for the approval of a father that never paid attention to him.

He turned to glance at Klaus who was standing beside him, frowning when the boy only shrugged. And then he looked at his sister, shaking his head:

"To go on a mission, you need to have a power, Vanya," he told her, trying his hardest to make himself sound exasperated.

Klaus snorted beside him, and Ben wanted to smile, wanted his lips to pull into a wry grin, but he couldn't. 

Instead, he stared at the watery eyes of his little sister, watching as the dam she had built broke.

She ran away sobbing and he couldn't do anything.

He was suddenly filled with a pain he was positive wasn't -- rather, _shouldn't_ _be_ \-- his.

Ben hates memories like these.

It makes him realize that he was a very cruel brother to his sister, sucking up to an old man that never once batted an eye in his direction for years.

He thinks it's memories like this one that truly destroy him, but there are others far worse than this, the man recalls, spiralling in the pit of onyx that has become his home;

Memories like this one:

When he is just a young man, he goes on a mission with his older brothers and sister (Vanya never goes on missions with them; father would never allow it.). 

This job should be simple, Luther had told them, gesturing to the space between him and Klaus, only to remember that Number Five was no longer with them, lost to the mysteries of space and time.

A hostage, Luther repeated, glancing back at Ben as they ran through the warehouse a few moments later, padded shoes snacking the concrete of the building.

Klaus and Allison stood watch, spreading rumours and haunting those that tried to enter and stop the children, while Diego went around on his own eliminating any threats.

The hostage was a little girl.

She was very pretty, he thought, watching as black curls bounced around her face.

Although she was dark, her skin seemed pale, and from where he and Luther stood, he could see the tear stains on her flushed cheeks.

And then everything began to happen at once.

Armed men poured out from every crack and crevice, and soon enough, Diego was among them, fighting alongside his older brother and rival.

Ben pulled away. If anything, he'd hurt the hostage and his brothers. He couldn't risk that much this early in the fight.

But then Luther lugged the girl away, hiding her behind a few stacks of crates. Ben knew why he did this, and he shifted on his feet nervously. Diego seemed to get the message too, pulling away from the fight as the men didn't seem to notice their missing hostage.

"Do it now, Ben!" Luther screamed, and Number Six panicked internally.

He had been training with the Horror and had regained some sort of control over the beast, as the two species had found a way to communicate with each other.

But Ben couldn't say for sure that they were going to listen, for the last time he was positive their training with Reginald was enough, he ended up hurting Allison and Diego, much to his father's disappointment. 

Luther yelled at him again, but Ben chose not to hear him, the blond's voice becoming nothing but a slur in the back of his head.

Slowly, he brought his hand down in front of his stomach, bracing his legs for the impact. Almost instantly, the Horror shot out of him, tentacles twisting and turning to kill anyone and anything in its immediate vicinity. 

He cocks his head to the side a bit, mouth twitching in a wry smile when he sees his siblings and the girl watching from the designated exit Luther chose.

Klaus gives him a thumbs up, so he takes this as a sign to reign the Horror in. Most of the men were dead if not gravely injured, so taking them out would become relatively easy. 

He gestures in front of himself again, snapping his fingers for added effect, but the creature doesn't listen. In fact, if anything, Ben would say it was being defiant.

The teenager sends his older siblings a frantic look which is noticed by all four. 

"Reel them in, Ben!" Klaus yells, and he nods, trying once again to signal at it, but his efforts are futile. 

A scream pitches from inside him, causing him to cover his ears. A quick glance confirms his suspicions: his siblings are pulling away.

"Quit it, God damn it!" He says, voice turning into a scream when the feeling of being ripped apart floods his system.

Ben watches as the eldritch's tentacles scrape the surface of the warehouse, only to have his attention torn away as  _ something _ makes an effort to escape him.

"Stop!" He screams, snapping aggressively. "You're not supposed to go this far! Go back inside!" He pleads, voice cracking in his effort to remain calm.

But his pleas fell on deaf ears, ignorant ones too, as a tentacle whips the side of his face. 

The sting puts him in shock, but it is the pain of the whiplash that stuns him. Blood pours down the side of his head, a raging headache overtaking his senses as he tries to reason with the Horror again.

"Cut it out!" Ben cries, tears beginning to soak his cheeks as he winces at the sound of his own voice.

Reginald would be so disappointed in him. He would call his youngest son weak and a coward for letting the creature over power him.

There is a stinging pain in his leg, and Number Six feels something crack, but he doesn't care as his legs give out underneath him, red swimming across his vision as he kneels in a pool of his own.

The eldritch has not relaxed, a blood curdling scream leaving his abdomen. His uniform is soaked and his hands are no longer the sun kissed shade they were.

His hands are red.

Everything is red.

He hears his siblings screaming his name, different variations of "Ben" filtering through the warehouse. 

He rests his weight on one arm, reaching out to the rest of them with the other, when a tentacle wraps around the extended limb.

Ben screams as the Horror begins to squeeze his hand, and he watches as it quickly becomes an ugly shade of purple. His voice pitches when the tentacle jerks, effectively snapping his arm as a silent hiss leaves his frame, eyes widened as he stares at the amount of blood leaving his body. 

For the second time in a matter of minutes, his only functioning limb gives out again, and he falls on his side as the eldritch continues to wreak havoc.

If he did die, the Horror would too, he thinks, watching as Luther pushes everyone out of the exit. His body  _ does  _ act as its portal, so if it's gone, everything outside of it is too.

And so he snaps his fingers for the last time, trying his hardest to agitate the creature so that it would kill him, ultimately ending itself in the process.

He closes his eyes as a shrill scream reverberates throughout the empty building, remaining unmoving as the impact of something slick and heavy collides with his side. Ben releases a gust of air, coughing up blood that spreads in front of him.

And then something smashes his skull, causing the world to still right before his eyes.

.

.

.

Ben never considered himself very close to his siblings.

Sure, they called him the kindest and treated him like a baby alongside Vanya, but it was only in death did he realize how important he was to them.

After he died, the house fell apart. 

Vanya released her book, and everything went to hell from there. 

Ben never considered himself very close to  _ any _ of his siblings. In fact he was quite angry at each of them for a long time since they left him to die. Not so much Vanya, but she received her fair share of hate after her book. For memories like these only fuel the fire inside of him.

But then he died --

And that changed everything. 

**FIN**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading <333
> 
> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!


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